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Funny Quotes
He's not dead..... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Two wrongs are only the beginning.
For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
I don't have a license to kill, I have a learners permit.
Humpty Dumpty was pushed!
Don't steal. The government hates competition.
I'm not weird. I'm normal, and everyone else is weird.
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the best defense.
Sanity is the playground for the unimaginative.
I'm not an airhead. I'm reality impaired.
I don't have an attitude problem. you have a perseption problem.
Normal is a setting on my washing machine.
I hate it when people act in stupid ways. It makes them look stupid, because that's what they are. They act stupid, they are stupid. Simple as that.
Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it to be sure.
I don't have a solution, but I admire your problem.
It is as bad as you think, and they are out to get you.
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill.
Puritanism: the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.